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- Apr 26, 2016
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- Nebulae
- 110,798
Hello everyone. Hope the holidays are treating you well.
In the midst of the tensions and conflict on-going between various community members, staff and headstaff members - I feel the need to actively speak out on my experiences and actions in all of this, especially because it has been extremely hard for me to focus on running the server in the midst of all of it. I also believe there has been a lot of misinformation, assumptions, accusations and overall unneeded sentiments that I wish to rectify and set aside in favour of an actual conversation about various things. Some of which, I can't see to get a handle on or understand. For transparency sake, this is my point of view and honest thoughts on the debacles that ensued for those who care or are interested; it's gonna be a long one.
As previously stated there's several elements of the situation I can't seem to get an understanding of, elements that date back long before the recent stuff kicked off - talking like weeks, maybe even a month or two ago. That appears to be when the, for lack of a better word, 'resentment' certain members had begun to set in. It only got worse from there onwards. From what I've gathered, and infered from several posts on the forums, sentiments of people who I've spoken to over the course of several weeks as well as information that has been passed on to me from other sources; it seems to me that sections of the community harbour these feelings for a few different reasons.
One of which being a "lack of involvement" problem that people seem to put forward, in referencing alex and impulse. Now, this is something that has come up before and I personally don't agree with it as an issue, mostly because as our main developers; alex and impulse have put in a shit ton of work and responded to a lot of the criticism people levelled at the old hl2rp, from clockwork. I'm not looking to list off stuff, but I can attest to the fact that every change put forward or otherwise implemented was ran by me at one point or another - in which I tried to take various things into account. alex and impulse are also always actively working on helix, fixing bugs etcetera. They've been willing to make changes for me when needed.
I'd also like to clarify on the "Swap to helix" issue. It was something interesting that DoubleD mentioned in his TS conversation with us. (I personally didn't know people saw this as something to resent HS over mind you).
If you believe that the helix change was something headstaff forced onto the server, with no input from me or without a solid reason - allow me to clarify that isn't the case. Not only was I fully involved and in agreement, but the reasons behind it were plentiful; better performance, a chance to fix a lot of clockwork's issues on a modern framework, as well as the on-going issues and disputes related to the volatile relationship between clockwork's creators and cloud sixteen. In the end, we collectively decided to move away from clockwork for the betterment of the community in the long term; performance wise, among other things.
Another issue, that I feel the need to address is in relation to the notion that 'your opinion doesn't matter' - again, this was something raised in the conversation with DoubleD as a reason for resentment or disdain for headstaff in general; I'll admit, sometimes we've been blunt with things. Suggestions, development related things and on certain decisions. No denying that sometimes, yeah - we're blunt on what we think is right and what should happen. That doesn't mean an opinion is automatically null and void, no. I know I try to listen to as many people as I can and hear them out. I know Alex spends a decent chunk of time asking around about certain things as well. The communities major problems back in Clockwork have effectively molded Helix into what it is. Of course, it's hard to respond to some criticism when it's a snarky remark on a fast thread/meme thread somewhere or is vague to the point where we're not sure where an issue is. Even still, if you think your opinion doesn't matter - then I say it loud and clear: I hear you.
Things like impulse being criticised for baiting someone into ban, among other criticisms; we don't shrug these things off like they never happened. We dedicate a lot of time to discussing this stuff internally. It's why we get frustrated when we think something is done and dusted, just for something to spark it up again. Maybe we're at fault too sometimes, but other times - we certainly aren't.
In addition to this, I'd like to respond to something that came to light recently again as an apparent reason for certain people's resentment (and in some cases, outright hatred) of Headstaff which was: 'Unappreciation'. What I mean by that is, certain people said that they feel like they put work into the server and were never thanked, complimented, etc on that particular effort. To that, I say - It's false. Completely. I can't argue with one's subjective feelings, but I can attest to the things I and others have done to show appreciation for work and dedication. Some people in particular, who's help I appreciated so much - I granted them liberties within the server, to the point where they could practically do 90% of when it came to things like events. I expressed my feelings and appreciation several times in Teamspeak and I always stated how much I enjoyed working with certain people, so like I said to Powley in the cloudless planet yesterday- the intention to be 'unappreciative' was never there. In my opinion, I've been more than supportive of the efforts of people. As for other headstaff, if it wasn't for @alex (and a decision I made in the end) we'd have never gotten the event server that has created many of the great experiences people rejoice in reminicsing on.
Despite my differences with people, I've always wanted to show appreciation for the work and effort they put in. I can't always do it directly, I work with so many people and interact with so many players who do so much good shit - I'd honestly be there all week doing it.
And now for the penultimate point being addressed in this long-winded but thorough post: 'Community Darlings' I'll call it. Whether you think person x doesn't deserve to be x or y because of z, when the time comes to make a decision and I use my best judgement to make that decision - I would hope the decision would be respected, even if you disagree with me and think I'm wrong. I don't appreciate being called a biased Server Director who only gives staff to his friends and protects them from everything as if they're the holy grail. That couldn't be the farest from the truth of the matter, considering I've had to demote many of my friends from staff over the past two years I've been here. Friends of mine who were previously staff, have made some bad decisions and been rightfully punished for it- I've stayed out of it and left ban appeal management to it because I feel like I may have tilted towards leniency.
One more thing to add to this, if I was granting special treatment to my 'friends' - alex and impulse would be the first ones to rip me a new one for it - because they hate that shit too. It's obviously not the same as defending someone on faith, though. I've defended people I had faith in on several occasions- DoubleD was one of those people. I tried my best to make sure he stayed moderator for as long as he did, but like I said to him and like I'll repeat now - I've got a limit.
Now, on the final topic of transparency - an issue that Headstaff in general seem to have been criticised for, in some cases the criticism is understandable, as someone who writes announcement posts a lot; vagueness can stem from various things (E.g trying to be positive with a post). In others it can be seen as an unreasonable request to divulge information in relation to a particular situation, I use the example of a ban that happened where the action was directly related to a dox you're all aware of. In those cases, we use our own discretion and act carefully to prevent further problems. It's not an easy position to be in that's for sure, it's pretty shitty; if you've been doxed before I'm sure you understand what I'm referring to.
In reference to other recent situations - I get that people were ultimately annoyed over posts being removed and people being banned. I can understand the point of view as I've been in a similiar position myself when overseeing something on-going. Take from me that it's not some attempt at being this big '1984' forum or a ploy for censorship, no. That's not it at all and it's never been the intention behind our moderation of the forums. We're obviously not tolerant of certain things though; obvious stuff like racism, etcetera.
But with anything - there is two sides to every situation. I've done my best to represent myself, and by extension - my headstaff colleagues in all of this. I've also got some grievances in all of this myself- some that date back to months ago as mentioned earlier on in the post.
But keep in mind, the following are personal to me - I'm entitled to my opinion like anyone else and these are things that have bothered me about the whole thing. Bare that in mind when reading it
The first and foremost one is one that thankfully, most people are not guilty of. The doxxing and personal attacking shit that has been going on by people that are banned right now. Certain people who made it their mission to basically target headstaff whenever oppertunties arose, just because they have a personal gripe or a dislike or whatever. Doxxing isn't tolerated and people who do it - aren't wanted here. Enough said.
My second grievance with how people have behaved on the opposite end of the debacle, there has been the spread of misinformation and, dare I call them, lies about the situations that happened. People spinning DoubleD's demotion as 'oh he was demoted for exposing pumpkin', 'ban the actual abusers guys', 'headstaff are defending abusers' - all three of these completely ignored my post on the staff roster and made baseless assumptions on our intentions, only serving to misinform people and give them an impression that was completely untrue. Some would say that's our fault, but I ultimately disagree
The third and final grievance I have with all of this, has been the treatment of staff in general - headstaff and regular server staff included. I've had people spout stuff like 'being staff = being manipulated' just because of the actions of people that aren't myself. I've had my staff team shit on for being 'bad' 'horrible' 'Incompetent' and other synonyms for it. Reason why it got to me personally so much, was because when the server was at it's lowest point, late october/early november- it seemed to be mainly the staff who were actively trying to improve the current state of affairs. Now you may say, 'oh we tried x, it was ignored' that's not my point, my point is the staff tried as much as they could to keep the server active and engaging during it's low point and I feel like nobody was given credit for it. Even still, my staff are attempting to run events for players only to get shit from people for it. When my staff are trying to actively give players stuff to do and involve themselves in only to get shit on for it, you know there's a problem. It's not okay, if some of the people throwing shade at staff were the one's trying to make an event and got shit- I'd defend them too.
Now to conclude this post, I'm not looking to sew more discord between people. This post, ultimately - is to try and better understand where people are coming from and what grievances they may have. This kind of unspoken battle of shitposting, snark and bait or whatever just isn't healthy anymore. I'm fed up with it, I'm struggling to focus on the server and I think it's suffering because of it. This isn't me attempting to bring drama back up for the sake of getting people banned, or whatever people want to assume. My goal here is nothing but looking to reconcile. There's some people on this forum who don't give a shit, they just enjoy the trouble (or causing of) and ultimately don't care about the community at large.
I'll leave people who care to comment the ability to - the thread will be unlocked and you will be completely free to say what's on your mind. (Alternatively, if you don't wish to be public - our PMs are always open!) Could be about headstaff, could be about myself or whatever. As long as you conduct it in a civil manner that isn't a blatant attempt to provoke or insult. I'll try to offer responses
Bottom line: If people aren't willing to talk to us about their grievances; we can't work to resolve them. Help me, help you.
Thank you for reading.
In the midst of the tensions and conflict on-going between various community members, staff and headstaff members - I feel the need to actively speak out on my experiences and actions in all of this, especially because it has been extremely hard for me to focus on running the server in the midst of all of it. I also believe there has been a lot of misinformation, assumptions, accusations and overall unneeded sentiments that I wish to rectify and set aside in favour of an actual conversation about various things. Some of which, I can't see to get a handle on or understand. For transparency sake, this is my point of view and honest thoughts on the debacles that ensued for those who care or are interested; it's gonna be a long one.
As previously stated there's several elements of the situation I can't seem to get an understanding of, elements that date back long before the recent stuff kicked off - talking like weeks, maybe even a month or two ago. That appears to be when the, for lack of a better word, 'resentment' certain members had begun to set in. It only got worse from there onwards. From what I've gathered, and infered from several posts on the forums, sentiments of people who I've spoken to over the course of several weeks as well as information that has been passed on to me from other sources; it seems to me that sections of the community harbour these feelings for a few different reasons.
One of which being a "lack of involvement" problem that people seem to put forward, in referencing alex and impulse. Now, this is something that has come up before and I personally don't agree with it as an issue, mostly because as our main developers; alex and impulse have put in a shit ton of work and responded to a lot of the criticism people levelled at the old hl2rp, from clockwork. I'm not looking to list off stuff, but I can attest to the fact that every change put forward or otherwise implemented was ran by me at one point or another - in which I tried to take various things into account. alex and impulse are also always actively working on helix, fixing bugs etcetera. They've been willing to make changes for me when needed.
I'd also like to clarify on the "Swap to helix" issue. It was something interesting that DoubleD mentioned in his TS conversation with us. (I personally didn't know people saw this as something to resent HS over mind you).
If you believe that the helix change was something headstaff forced onto the server, with no input from me or without a solid reason - allow me to clarify that isn't the case. Not only was I fully involved and in agreement, but the reasons behind it were plentiful; better performance, a chance to fix a lot of clockwork's issues on a modern framework, as well as the on-going issues and disputes related to the volatile relationship between clockwork's creators and cloud sixteen. In the end, we collectively decided to move away from clockwork for the betterment of the community in the long term; performance wise, among other things.
Another issue, that I feel the need to address is in relation to the notion that 'your opinion doesn't matter' - again, this was something raised in the conversation with DoubleD as a reason for resentment or disdain for headstaff in general; I'll admit, sometimes we've been blunt with things. Suggestions, development related things and on certain decisions. No denying that sometimes, yeah - we're blunt on what we think is right and what should happen. That doesn't mean an opinion is automatically null and void, no. I know I try to listen to as many people as I can and hear them out. I know Alex spends a decent chunk of time asking around about certain things as well. The communities major problems back in Clockwork have effectively molded Helix into what it is. Of course, it's hard to respond to some criticism when it's a snarky remark on a fast thread/meme thread somewhere or is vague to the point where we're not sure where an issue is. Even still, if you think your opinion doesn't matter - then I say it loud and clear: I hear you.
Things like impulse being criticised for baiting someone into ban, among other criticisms; we don't shrug these things off like they never happened. We dedicate a lot of time to discussing this stuff internally. It's why we get frustrated when we think something is done and dusted, just for something to spark it up again. Maybe we're at fault too sometimes, but other times - we certainly aren't.
In addition to this, I'd like to respond to something that came to light recently again as an apparent reason for certain people's resentment (and in some cases, outright hatred) of Headstaff which was: 'Unappreciation'. What I mean by that is, certain people said that they feel like they put work into the server and were never thanked, complimented, etc on that particular effort. To that, I say - It's false. Completely. I can't argue with one's subjective feelings, but I can attest to the things I and others have done to show appreciation for work and dedication. Some people in particular, who's help I appreciated so much - I granted them liberties within the server, to the point where they could practically do 90% of when it came to things like events. I expressed my feelings and appreciation several times in Teamspeak and I always stated how much I enjoyed working with certain people, so like I said to Powley in the cloudless planet yesterday- the intention to be 'unappreciative' was never there. In my opinion, I've been more than supportive of the efforts of people. As for other headstaff, if it wasn't for @alex (and a decision I made in the end) we'd have never gotten the event server that has created many of the great experiences people rejoice in reminicsing on.
Despite my differences with people, I've always wanted to show appreciation for the work and effort they put in. I can't always do it directly, I work with so many people and interact with so many players who do so much good shit - I'd honestly be there all week doing it.
And now for the penultimate point being addressed in this long-winded but thorough post: 'Community Darlings' I'll call it. Whether you think person x doesn't deserve to be x or y because of z, when the time comes to make a decision and I use my best judgement to make that decision - I would hope the decision would be respected, even if you disagree with me and think I'm wrong. I don't appreciate being called a biased Server Director who only gives staff to his friends and protects them from everything as if they're the holy grail. That couldn't be the farest from the truth of the matter, considering I've had to demote many of my friends from staff over the past two years I've been here. Friends of mine who were previously staff, have made some bad decisions and been rightfully punished for it- I've stayed out of it and left ban appeal management to it because I feel like I may have tilted towards leniency.
One more thing to add to this, if I was granting special treatment to my 'friends' - alex and impulse would be the first ones to rip me a new one for it - because they hate that shit too. It's obviously not the same as defending someone on faith, though. I've defended people I had faith in on several occasions- DoubleD was one of those people. I tried my best to make sure he stayed moderator for as long as he did, but like I said to him and like I'll repeat now - I've got a limit.
Now, on the final topic of transparency - an issue that Headstaff in general seem to have been criticised for, in some cases the criticism is understandable, as someone who writes announcement posts a lot; vagueness can stem from various things (E.g trying to be positive with a post). In others it can be seen as an unreasonable request to divulge information in relation to a particular situation, I use the example of a ban that happened where the action was directly related to a dox you're all aware of. In those cases, we use our own discretion and act carefully to prevent further problems. It's not an easy position to be in that's for sure, it's pretty shitty; if you've been doxed before I'm sure you understand what I'm referring to.
In reference to other recent situations - I get that people were ultimately annoyed over posts being removed and people being banned. I can understand the point of view as I've been in a similiar position myself when overseeing something on-going. Take from me that it's not some attempt at being this big '1984' forum or a ploy for censorship, no. That's not it at all and it's never been the intention behind our moderation of the forums. We're obviously not tolerant of certain things though; obvious stuff like racism, etcetera.
But with anything - there is two sides to every situation. I've done my best to represent myself, and by extension - my headstaff colleagues in all of this. I've also got some grievances in all of this myself- some that date back to months ago as mentioned earlier on in the post.
But keep in mind, the following are personal to me - I'm entitled to my opinion like anyone else and these are things that have bothered me about the whole thing. Bare that in mind when reading it
The first and foremost one is one that thankfully, most people are not guilty of. The doxxing and personal attacking shit that has been going on by people that are banned right now. Certain people who made it their mission to basically target headstaff whenever oppertunties arose, just because they have a personal gripe or a dislike or whatever. Doxxing isn't tolerated and people who do it - aren't wanted here. Enough said.
My second grievance with how people have behaved on the opposite end of the debacle, there has been the spread of misinformation and, dare I call them, lies about the situations that happened. People spinning DoubleD's demotion as 'oh he was demoted for exposing pumpkin', 'ban the actual abusers guys', 'headstaff are defending abusers' - all three of these completely ignored my post on the staff roster and made baseless assumptions on our intentions, only serving to misinform people and give them an impression that was completely untrue. Some would say that's our fault, but I ultimately disagree
The third and final grievance I have with all of this, has been the treatment of staff in general - headstaff and regular server staff included. I've had people spout stuff like 'being staff = being manipulated' just because of the actions of people that aren't myself. I've had my staff team shit on for being 'bad' 'horrible' 'Incompetent' and other synonyms for it. Reason why it got to me personally so much, was because when the server was at it's lowest point, late october/early november- it seemed to be mainly the staff who were actively trying to improve the current state of affairs. Now you may say, 'oh we tried x, it was ignored' that's not my point, my point is the staff tried as much as they could to keep the server active and engaging during it's low point and I feel like nobody was given credit for it. Even still, my staff are attempting to run events for players only to get shit from people for it. When my staff are trying to actively give players stuff to do and involve themselves in only to get shit on for it, you know there's a problem. It's not okay, if some of the people throwing shade at staff were the one's trying to make an event and got shit- I'd defend them too.
Now to conclude this post, I'm not looking to sew more discord between people. This post, ultimately - is to try and better understand where people are coming from and what grievances they may have. This kind of unspoken battle of shitposting, snark and bait or whatever just isn't healthy anymore. I'm fed up with it, I'm struggling to focus on the server and I think it's suffering because of it. This isn't me attempting to bring drama back up for the sake of getting people banned, or whatever people want to assume. My goal here is nothing but looking to reconcile. There's some people on this forum who don't give a shit, they just enjoy the trouble (or causing of) and ultimately don't care about the community at large.
I'll leave people who care to comment the ability to - the thread will be unlocked and you will be completely free to say what's on your mind. (Alternatively, if you don't wish to be public - our PMs are always open!) Could be about headstaff, could be about myself or whatever. As long as you conduct it in a civil manner that isn't a blatant attempt to provoke or insult. I'll try to offer responses
Bottom line: If people aren't willing to talk to us about their grievances; we can't work to resolve them. Help me, help you.
Thank you for reading.
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