hi
i haven't posted here in a while but i feel really bad and don't even feel like i have anywhere to turn to at this point, this is really the closest thing i've had to a community in my life, and really the only constant with shit going on
had the closest person in my life betray me, and i've felt like shit as a result of them for this whole entire year
the past month or so has been a pretty bad coming together of a lot of things, was horrible and consisted of me going to work then college and then to bed on top of other things and this was the cherry on top
i was really depressed for a while then it just turned into anger for the entirety of this year, had no real way of dealing with it at all, a lot of these thoughts just kinda kept haunting me for hours where i wasnt preoccupied by other shit and at this point i think my brain shortwired when i should actually be angry for a reason and i just feel nothing
i heard so many sorries and apologies but ive heard them so much by now that i didnt even register them, it really felt like nothing. Known this person for the better half of my life and i feel like it just went down the drain
compared to the other shit people go through this feels really benign and its why i stopped posting on this thread, my life has been generally good compared to others but i still feel like i get no joy from it
i dont really know what to do now, the only thing i could think about while talking to them was hey at least i dont have work or college for the next few days. I really should've heeded the warnings from other people
sorry if this sounds angsty or some shit i really have no way of expressing it and ill prob delete it later
first of all, don't feel like you have to justify the way you feel
your emotions are a response to a stimulus, and you are not responsible for an inadvertent reaction
you do not ever need to compare the way you react to something to something else unless it's objectively unreasonable
you have every right to feel betrayed, to feel down, to struggle
that being said - you have the power to push through, we all do
you're off work/college for the next couple of days, and i know self-care is a buzzword, but it sounds like you need it
take some time, do something just for you - not to impress or placate anyone else, just do things you like to do
self care looks different for all people, but it's important you make yourself calm, before you make yourself happy
whatever you do, you must do to find peace - personally i recommend the gym, church and a stiff drink, but that's not for everyone
(also if you do decide to have a drink, don't rely on it, it's too easy to fall into that trap)
i'll keep you on my mind and in my prayers, and i hope things get better soon
