Serious Medical/Mental Illness. Or a general well being thread

['77 East]

the countless times she shouted 'if you leave me, I will kill myself'

just gonna say that is 100% unhealthy as fuck

if you have to be cajoled into staying into a relationship on the mere threat of suicide, you definitely shouldn't be in it

 

[Sensei_]

alcohol addicted

 

[Lewis!]

alcohol addicted

I'm not just a high functioning alcoholic, I'm a thriving one

 

['77 East]

drink in moderation
if you get moody while on the stuff it's going to just make you even worse and require more, spiraling to the point it kills you if you don't quit

t. seen it happen before, unfortunately

 

[Havok]

 

[Sil]

thank you havok for coming forward in solidarity about your coprophagia addiction, we will support you in your journey to getting better

 

[Ond]

Booze cruisers

Big water want to take it from you

 

[Trains]

snip

 

[Zeenz]

snip

You good homie?

 

[Aether]

I'm dredging this up from page 2 because it feels less awkward than making a post somewhere else about this, so yeah. First off, hope everyone's doing okay, that you're happy, warm and fed.

I've never posted in here before, mostly because I didn't really see what else I could add except for just kind of complaining about my life which I didn't think people here would really care too much about, but I'm posting now out of positivity I guess.

I've struggled with depression through most of my life and some people here know that in 2017 a family member extremely close to me entered a vegetative state that they've never recovered from to this day, and only a few people know this but whatever,

Spoiler: CW: attempted suicide

in 2020 (surprisingly had nothing to do with covid) I tried to kill myself by almost jumping out of a 5th story window and was just barely saved by a friend.

I attended therapy which I've mentioned a few times here but it never really helped much bar just stabilising me, and it wasn't until I was fortunate enough to find myself in a series of 'mostly ups' over the past two years (bar a few very low moments) that now I think I've reached a point in my life where the pros outweigh the cons and I finally feel happy.

I've had a stable, decent paying job for the past two years where I've felt mostly fulfilled and I've had a boss that's actually helped me with a lot of my issues. I've even managed to save up enough to do one of those shared ownership first time buyer schemes for a house and it's looking like I'll actually have my own place in a couple of months, and I think for the first time in my life I've actually started to feel consistently happy, or at the very least fulfilled.

I guess what's spurred me to post here is that the other day I was thinking about my future and for the first time in the entirety of my life when I thought about the inevitability of my own death I was overcome with sorrow and fear and it hit me that I didn't want to die. I don't know how others think or feel when they think about that eventually everything will end (or if that's something normal people even fucking do tbh) but for me, for most of my life and especially in 2020 it always seemed like a goal or at the very least some relief - something that couldn't be worse than life, and that the only reason I kept going was for others, not myself.

But now? I want to live. It feels so bizarre, foreign almost. It feels so genuinely good to be alive and it feels so strange that I'm honestly saddened at the thought that it'll inevitably end one day. But until that day, I hope I get to continue enjoying life, and for anyone else struggling with their mental health right now, if it's something you've been dealing with for a short time or a long time, I hope you eventually either feel happy again, or happy for the first time. Life is worth living and I hope one day you too reach the bizarre state I've found myself in.

Keep going. It's worth it.


(Thanks for reading, and thank you nebulous for being a part of my life for just over 11 years. Some of the friends I've made here are responsible for where I am today and I couldn't have done it without them.)

 

[deathwolf]

I'm dredging this up from page 2 because it feels less awkward than making a post somewhere else about this, so yeah. First off, hope everyone's doing okay, that you're happy, warm and fed.

I've never posted in here before, mostly because I didn't really see what else I could add except for just kind of complaining about my life which I didn't think people here would really care too much about, but I'm posting now out of positivity I guess.

I've struggled with depression through most of my life and some people here know that in 2017 a family member extremely close to me entered a vegetative state that they've never recovered from to this day, and only a few people know this but whatever,

Spoiler: CW: attempted suicide

in 2020 (surprisingly had nothing to do with covid) I tried to kill myself by almost jumping out of a 5th story window and was just barely saved by a friend.

I attended therapy which I've mentioned a few times here but it never really helped much bar just stabilising me, and it wasn't until I was fortunate enough to find myself in a series of 'mostly ups' over the past two years (bar a few very low moments) that now I think I've reached a point in my life where the pros outweigh the cons and I finally feel happy.

I've had a stable, decent paying job for the past two years where I've felt mostly fulfilled and I've had a boss that's actually helped me with a lot of my issues. I've even managed to save up enough to do one of those shared ownership first time buyer schemes for a house and it's looking like I'll actually have my own place in a couple of months, and I think for the first time in my life I've actually started to feel consistently happy, or at the very least fulfilled.

I guess what's spurred me to post here is that the other day I was thinking about my future and for the first time in the entirety of my life when I thought about the inevitability of my own death I was overcome with sorrow and fear and it hit me that I didn't want to die. I don't know how others think or feel when they think about that eventually everything will end (or if that's something normal people even fucking do tbh) but for me, for most of my life and especially in 2020 it always seemed like a goal or at the very least some relief - something that couldn't be worse than life, and that the only reason I kept going was for others, not myself.

But now? I want to live. It feels so bizarre, foreign almost. It feels so genuinely good to be alive and it feels so strange that I'm honestly saddened at the thought that it'll inevitably end one day. But until that day, I hope I get to continue enjoying life, and for anyone else struggling with their mental health right now, if it's something you've been dealing with for a short time or a long time, I hope you eventually either feel happy again, or happy for the first time. Life is worth living and I hope one day you too reach the bizarre state I've found myself in.

Keep going. It's worth it.


(Thanks for reading, and thank you nebulous for being a part of my life for just over 11 years. Some of the friends I've made here are responsible for where I am today and I couldn't have done it without them.)

choose life

 

[Raiden]

I never really like opening up too much in threads or online (or frankly in general) but I've had a couple of sleepless nights recently and I wanted to get something off my chest, or maybe just share something going on in my life.

Last Friday evening my uncle (on my dads side) had a heart attack. I have an unusually close family as we've always lived within a couple of miles of each other and at one point my uncle and his family were my neighbours. As of today, he is currently in ICU and has shown little signs of improvement. He is now under a do not resuscitate order - I'm frankly worried sick and after having phone calls with my dad (I live nearly 100 miles away for studies), I can tell by his voice that this isn't good. My dad isn't want for emotions really, but I can tell by his voice that he is worried as well.

I'm really struggling to sleep at the moment. I don't know when I might get that call that something bad has happened. I hope the next call I get is good news, that he's shown signs of improvement, but as of yet, nothing. I messaged my aunt (my uncles wife) over the weekend to send my well wishes (I did consider calling them but I don't think they would have had the time) This follows last year where I lost my Grandad on my mums side - and its the same emotions really. I first I felt almost... blank? To the whole thing, but the more and more it sets in the more and more I get really upset about it. My uncle's a father of 4, been a massive part of my life and even help raised me when he lived so close together, and then in an instant everything changes.

I've considered talking to a therapist or something, but I don't know. I usually have quite a bad internal stigma around therapists as I fear they might try and place a very general approach to my issues, and at the end of the day it's just a job for them.
I've dealt with insomnia in the past too. I had it when I had a relationship breakdown a number of years ago, no matter how tired I got I simply could not fall asleep as I felt like my skin was crawling. I'm trying to distract myself as best I can by reading or watching stuff on youtube or whatever, but even when my partner is round I can stand the feeling of laying down doing nothing trying to get to sleep, I feel utterly restless and anxious.

I guess what I'm asking for is any advice on how I met be able to take my mind off of things for a while and try to get some sleep. I've already been given some generous time off from work from it but I'll have to go back eventually - that and I've got exams coming up for Uni just pile on the pressure.

What do I do?

 

[hewrrra]

I didn't want to die.

death is an inevitable and unavoidable part of life. accepting it and not expecting anything after it is the first step in guaranteeing that you can enjoy life to its fullest extent without worrying about something out of your control. live in the present

 

[Aether]

death is an inevitable and unavoidable part of life. accepting it and not expecting anything after it is the first step in guaranteeing that you can enjoy life to its fullest extent without worrying about something out of your control. live in the present

I know, it was more just the shift from "I want to die" to "I don't want to die". I'll probably get to the point of accepting it in the future, but for now I'm happy wanting to live.

I never really like opening up too much in threads or online (or frankly in general) but I've had a couple of sleepless nights recently and I wanted to get something off my chest, or maybe just share something going on in my life.

Last Friday evening my uncle (on my dads side) had a heart attack. I have an unusually close family as we've always lived within a couple of miles of each other and at one point my uncle and his family were my neighbours. As of today, he is currently in ICU and has shown little signs of improvement. He is now under a do not resuscitate order - I'm frankly worried sick and after having phone calls with my dad (I live nearly 100 miles away for studies), I can tell by his voice that this isn't good. My dad isn't want for emotions really, but I can tell by his voice that he is worried as well.

I'm really struggling to sleep at the moment. I don't know when I might get that call that something bad has happened. I hope the next call I get is good news, that he's shown signs of improvement, but as of yet, nothing. I messaged my aunt (my uncles wife) over the weekend to send my well wishes (I did consider calling them but I don't think they would have had the time) This follows last year where I lost my Grandad on my mums side - and its the same emotions really. I first I felt almost... blank? To the whole thing, but the more and more it sets in the more and more I get really upset about it. My uncle's a father of 4, been a massive part of my life and even help raised me when he lived so close together, and then in an instant everything changes.

I've considered talking to a therapist or something, but I don't know. I usually have quite a bad internal stigma around therapists as I fear they might try and place a very general approach to my issues, and at the end of the day it's just a job for them.
I've dealt with insomnia in the past too. I had it when I had a relationship breakdown a number of years ago, no matter how tired I got I simply could not fall asleep as I felt like my skin was crawling. I'm trying to distract myself as best I can by reading or watching stuff on youtube or whatever, but even when my partner is round I can stand the feeling of laying down doing nothing trying to get to sleep, I feel utterly restless and anxious.

I guess what I'm asking for is any advice on how I met be able to take my mind off of things for a while and try to get some sleep. I've already been given some generous time off from work from it but I'll have to go back eventually - that and I've got exams coming up for Uni just pile on the pressure.

What do I do?

First of all, my sincere condolences - I hope your uncle recovers fully soon and that everything gets back to normal.

Therapy can help for some, and the type of therapy also matters a lot - some you'll find more useful than others in my experience. I know you're worried the therapist might just treat you like you're just patient #1001 but don't worry too much about it. I'd suggest looking into different therapies and seeing which sounds right for you, then look into therapists online and checking their reviews. That's typically the best way to avoid getting bad therapists, however if you're going through the NHS it's as you can expect a "you get what you're given" situation with a temporary councillor usually.

As for helping your mind relax, exercise can help, spending time with loved ones and friends, or even just going for walks helped me. For trying to sleep I use a free ASMR app called "Rain Rain", probably the best of the ones I've found, helps me not be in my own head while I'm trying to sleep.

Hope things get better soon.

 

[Raiden]

I know, it was more just the shift from "I want to die" to "I don't want to die". I'll probably get to the point of accepting it in the future, but for now I'm happy wanting to live.


First of all, my sincere condolences - I hope your uncle recovers fully soon and that everything gets back to normal.

Therapy can help for some, and the type of therapy also matters a lot - some you'll find more useful than others in my experience. I know you're worried the therapist might just treat you like you're just patient #1001 but don't worry too much about it. I'd suggest looking into different therapies and seeing which sounds right for you, then look into therapists online and checking their reviews. That's typically the best way to avoid getting bad therapists, however if you're going through the NHS it's as you can expect a "you get what you're given" situation with a temporary councillor usually.

As for helping your mind relax, exercise can help, spending time with loved ones and friends, or even just going for walks helped me. For trying to sleep I use a free ASMR app called "Rain Rain", probably the best of the ones I've found, helps me not be in my own head while I'm trying to sleep.

Hope things get better soon.

We'll def check that out, thanks.

 

[Anthrax_PL]

i swear im cursed on every single july

this july I've got a massive infection on one of the screws on my spine

Last july I sun burnt my back to fuck (didn't need to go to hospital)

2 years ago was fine

3 years ago in July I had my major back op

4 years ago in July I had a hand operation for a fractured wrist bone

fml

 

[FreeSpy]

hello

life has moved too fast for me these last few months. i will preface that i don't intend this post to be attention-grabbing in nature, but more of a "hi this is what's happening in my life."

besides everything else (highschool graduation, driving license acquisition, etc), my mom has cancer. and with that comes a massive realization in my life. i am unable to process major emotional events. everytime something big happens... i've just ignored it, overridden it with a bigger issue.

a girl i liked a lot dumped me, and instead of processing, i ignored it, because my grandma couldn't walk anymore and I needed to deal with that instead. instead of processing the massive issue that is my family's dysfunction, i've just ignored it, because I had other things such as school to handle. now with this, i can't just ignore it anymore. it's been having an effect on my real life performance, as i've had my first panic attack in 2 years. overthinking shit has not helped, and with all of this, I am now having frustration problems. I get irritated at the slightest thing, and i don't know how to fix shit. i can't turn my brain off anymore like I used to, i cannot just sleep the mind's race to figure it all out away anymore.

therapists have been such a weird experience that I am not inclined to go to one, but i also don't want to trauma dump so much shit (see why i didn't post this when I found out it was cancer, which was june-july).

rant over.

my mom'll be fine btw. it is stage 1 breast cancer and wednesday's the surgery. I guess this is why I decided to post, maybe seeing what others say'll ease my overthinking and maybe something said here'll help me cope better

 

[Señor Jaggles]

hello

life has moved too fast for me these last few months. i will preface that i don't intend this post to be attention-grabbing in nature, but more of a "hi this is what's happening in my life."

besides everything else (highschool graduation, driving license acquisition, etc), my mom has cancer. and with that comes a massive realization in my life. i am unable to process major emotional events. everytime something big happens... i've just ignored it, overridden it with a bigger issue.

a girl i liked a lot dumped me, and instead of processing, i ignored it, because my grandma couldn't walk anymore and I needed to deal with that instead. instead of processing the massive issue that is my family's dysfunction, i've just ignored it, because I had other things such as school to handle. now with this, i can't just ignore it anymore. it's been having an effect on my real life performance, as i've had my first panic attack in 2 years. overthinking shit has not helped, and with all of this, I am now having frustration problems. I get irritated at the slightest thing, and i don't know how to fix shit. i can't turn my brain off anymore like I used to, i cannot just sleep the mind's race to figure it all out away anymore.

therapists have been such a weird experience that I am not inclined to go to one, but i also don't want to trauma dump so much shit (see why i didn't post this when I found out it was cancer, which was june-july).

rant over.

my mom'll be fine btw. it is stage 1 breast cancer and wednesday's the surgery. I guess this is why I decided to post, maybe seeing what others say'll ease my overthinking and maybe something said here'll help me cope better

Hey dude, no attention-grabbing at all, everyone needs to vent and talk and let out this stuff. Therapy is good when you meet a proper psychologist (check their license) and you open up- But you got to be ready to open up to them and stuff, so no rush either.

I'm guessing the apathy is just a way your brain has to cope with those situations you don't feel ready to go over, but yet again, I'm not a professional.

You know I'm there to talk, so call me when you need it.

 

[Mute]

hi

i haven't posted here in a while but i feel really bad and don't even feel like i have anywhere to turn to at this point, this is really the closest thing i've had to a community in my life, and really the only constant with shit going on

had the closest person in my life betray me, and i've felt like shit as a result of them for this whole entire year

the past month or so has been a pretty bad coming together of a lot of things, was horrible and consisted of me going to work then college and then to bed on top of other things and this was the cherry on top

i was really depressed for a while then it just turned into anger for the entirety of this year, had no real way of dealing with it at all, a lot of these thoughts just kinda kept haunting me for hours where i wasnt preoccupied by other shit and at this point i think my brain shortwired when i should actually be angry for a reason and i just feel nothing

i heard so many sorries and apologies but ive heard them so much by now that i didnt even register them, it really felt like nothing. Known this person for the better half of my life and i feel like it just went down the drain

compared to the other shit people go through this feels really benign and its why i stopped posting on this thread, my life has been generally good compared to others but i still feel like i get no joy from it

i dont really know what to do now, the only thing i could think about while talking to them was hey at least i dont have work or college for the next few days. I really should've heeded the warnings from other people

sorry if this sounds angsty or some shit i really have no way of expressing it and ill prob delete it later

 

[Appetite Ruining Kebab]

compared to the other shit people go through this feels really benign and its why i stopped posting on this thread, my life has been generally good compared to others but i still feel like i get no joy from it

not in a position to give good advice without context but it helps to keep in mind that the worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you i.e you are the sole authority on your feelings and feeling shit about something makes it valid to feel shit about it by default. you don't owe life a debt of silence for giving you a comfortable existence, no scales will be balanced by compounding your suffering with the benignness of your suffering

not saying you should change your mind about not posting, or force the thought out of your mind, but there's a clear difference between being spoiled vs having a valid claim to be hurt by what you're going through and you get the latter pretty much as soon as you acknowledge that you're living a good life. it gets easier if you remember this and use the outlets you have without shame (though still with a basic awareness of not overwhelming your audience)

don't know if this helps but it's all i have to say

t. someone whose early 20s resembles your post somewhat