Serious Medical/Mental Illness. Or a general well being thread

[Dallas]

Way too much big brain thinking for my tiny little smoothbrain to handle lmao. But I get the gist of what he was saying there, and he’s right.

I try less to understand the roots and more the person themself. My empathy and such is seriously a double edged sword that I tend to strike myself more at times then at depression or the like. I’ve always been for the person and I doubt that’ll change much in my life. I’ve always fought for the stranger I’ve never met yet I still feel a sort of subconscious relationship with them. Like I’ve met them before and can relate somehow or the other. Maybe my psychosis is just tricking my mind further, I dunno.

I understand but the basics of depression and what it can do to the human mind and body. Literally all I want is to simply help the other one struggling. To help them find their voice and raise them up back to their feet. It’s always been a feeling more intoxicating then the strongest drug I’ve ever taken. Am I simply selfish? Or am I way too selfless that I’ve failed to recognize I’ve been destroying myself?

Damn you dallas you’ve got me questioning life again

read capitalist realism

 

[Dicknose]

This is going to be a ramble and a half. Honestly, I listen to a lot of music to keep my thoughts at bay, or to tell myself that I'm not alone in these types of things. In May or June I started listening to depressive suicidal black metal, which helped me cry a lot and helped me just detox myself of pent up emotions. I always try to find lyrics in songs that relate with the pain I feel. sorry for being edgy. I'm hard on myself, maybe too hard, because this year has fucked me up a whole lot. Before the pandemic I was just breaking out of my shell, socializing a lot more than I used to in my high school days, and now I feel like all of that progress has restarted. I can't get back into that groove I had, can't get back into the path of progress I had started down. Now it's harder and harder for me to actually talk to people, mostly keeping to myself, but I really want to fucking go back to the progress I was making. I feel alone in life, even though I know I shouldn't. I have a really supportive group of friends, I talk to the gals, but something still feels off. The only way I can put it into words if by posting lyrics from songs I've been listening to.

Spoiler: Undertow by Pain of Salvation

"I'm alive and I am true to my heart now
I am I
But why must truth always make me die?"
"Let me break!
Let me bleed!
Let me tear myself apart, I need to breathe!
Let me lose my way!
Let me walk astray!
Maybe to proceed
Just let me bleed!
Let me drain!
Let me die!
Let me break the things I love, I need to cry!
Let me burn it all!
Let me take my fall!
Through the cleansing fire!
Now let me die!
Let me die...
Let me out
Let me fade into that pitch-black velvet night"
This song just captures how I want to start over, I don't fucking know

Spoiler: Pace Protection by DrugStore Fanatics

"I could be all that I ever intended
I could be four times the man that I am
I could be free from the search to fulfill myself
and be free from this race of man
I could be thrown through the bowels of the making
I could be peeled from the wall of my shell
but it won't solve the fact and my aching
cause on this I dwell"

The days are feeling better though, but I can't help myself whenever my thoughts and emotions overtake me. The only time where these feelings just slip away is when Im with friends, which is contradictory of what I said I know, but I don't think they'll ever know the amount of times they helped me. I also feel like I'm not being the most I can be and that eats me away. I know I could be a fucking chad but I don't know how to get there. I am lost without direction.

I fucking hate talking about this type of stuff because I don't want to feel like Im reaching for attention, that I'm unhinged, or I don't want to look like a lesser person

I should probably stop caring what others think of me tbh

 

[Clokr]

The days are looking better though, but I can't help myself whenever my thoughts and emotions overtake me. The only time where these feelings just slip away is when Im with friends, which is contradictory of what I said I know, but I don't think they'll ever know the amount of times they helped me. I also feel like I'm not being the most I can be and that eats me away. I know I could be a fucking chad but I don't know how to get there. I am lost without direction

This right here basically just summarized me just like seven months ago before out of the blue it seems now that I’ve came to terms.

I doubt my friends will ever truly understand that they are the reason I’m still alive today. They’ve quite literally saved my life many times without even thinking that deep into it.

And trust me man, eventually you’ll begin to notice that those feelings aren’t as profound as they once were. But for the time being, when they do come up. Do something, literally anything to keep your mind occupied on something else. Like for me I would watch random fuckin documentaries or shit on Netflix and play games. But a lot of the times I just figuratively stood in the rain and waited out the storm. It’s seriously fucking hard to do anything really when you’re in that state. But I found that the slightest thing you think won’t do shit sometimes actually fuckin works and you look back and might go, “holy shit dude I was literally almost balling my eyes out a few minutes ago.”

I sorta feel like I made a deal with the devil at times too. Like I made friends with my demons and we drink and dance together on the regular now. It’s really weird.

But what I’d recommend for the being lost part. Cause I went through that part too. Is quite a stupid saying that doesn’t really mean much until you get it. Is to just let the wind carry you wherever. Something may just grab you by the balls and toss you onto the right path. You’ll never expect it but it can happen.

Just please stay away from the booze and that shit. I didn’t listen to the last person who told me and I completely lost it there. It works for the time being but then it just leaves you worse off then before. It isn’t worth it.

 

[Trains]

not even really looking for a response to this but things aren’t any better than when i last posted here back in october. again don’t read it if you don’t want to, it’s a lot

Spoiler: yea

pretty much 100% certain i have depression, as if it wasn’t obvious. everyone close to me thinks the same. i’ve been feeling incredibly shit for a very long time now and there’s no end in sight

i don’t know what to do with myself anymore. nothing is changing or getting better, i only feel worse by the day. i laugh, i feel alright with friends but my mood will switch without fucking warning and i’ll feel like shit. at the end of the day i think it’s just years of unresolved shit that i’ve never processed because idk how. never even had therapy

i’ve had some really dark thoughts which i won’t act on because i care for people in my life too much, but i’m becoming increasingly hopeless that i’ll have any sort of future because i simply do not care, or have any motivation, to catch up in school. the government seems to have given up pretending they give a shit about people like me, as has everyone else

i’m sure when lockdown is over things will start to improve but jesus fuck i cannot do this much longer.

friends barely speak to me anymore, 2 people have randomly cut me off without any explanation as to why, and it’s my 18th birthday next week and i have almost nothing to show for it. i can’t even fucking see anyone, let alone do anything

i really don’t like talking about shit like this but i kinda have to or i think it’ll get too much

also i have some dumb belief that most people here fucking hate me and they’re only nice to me because i’m a spec that made a dramatic post a few years ago about going blind. i think the same irl but yknow. i know full well it’s probably not true but it just fucks with my head sometimes idek why i don’t even know you people i just
ye

the eye thing is still a thing that’s happening btw, it’s just much much much slower than i initially thought, and i panicked at the time. idek if i’ll go blind but it doesn’t bare thinking about honestly, not like i can do anything about it. they think i’ve got a good amount of time before it’s really bad

sorry if i’m being dramatic but there’s no one in my life that will let me just rant to them without filter so i gotta do it here, don’t be cunts

tldr: there’s not much ‘it is what it is’ left in me

but i’ll be alright, i think
just gotta keep going i guess

i’ll more than likely delete this tomorrow it’s embarrassing to me

 

[Clokr]

not even really looking for a response to this but things aren’t any better than when i last posted here back in october. again don’t read it if you don’t want to, it’s a lot

Spoiler: yea

pretty much 100% certain i have depression, as if it wasn’t obvious. everyone close to me thinks the same. i’ve been feeling incredibly shit for a very long time now and there’s no end in sight

i don’t know what to do with myself anymore. nothing is changing or getting better, i only feel worse by the day. i laugh, i feel alright with friends but my mood will switch without fucking warning and i’ll feel like shit. at the end of the day i think it’s just years of unresolved shit that i’ve never processed because idk how. never even had therapy

i’ve had some really dark thoughts which i won’t act on because i care for people in my life too much, but i’m becoming increasingly hopeless that i’ll have any sort of future because i simply do not care, or have any motivation, to catch up in school. the government seems to have given up pretending they give a shit about people like me, as has everyone else

i’m sure when lockdown is over things will start to improve but jesus fuck i cannot do this much longer.

friends barely speak to me anymore, 2 people have randomly cut me off without any explanation as to why, and it’s my 18th birthday next week and i have almost nothing to show for it. i can’t even fucking see anyone, let alone do anything

i really don’t like talking about shit like this but i kinda have to or i think it’ll get too much

also i have some dumb belief that most people here fucking hate me and they’re only nice to me because i’m a spec that made a dramatic post a few years ago about going blind. i think the same irl but yknow. i know full well it’s probably not true but it just fucks with my head sometimes idek why i don’t even know you people i just
ye

the eye thing is still a thing that’s happening btw, it’s just much much much slower than i initially thought, and i panicked at the time. idek if i’ll go blind but it doesn’t bare thinking about honestly, not like i can do anything about it. they think i’ve got a good amount of time before it’s really bad

sorry if i’m being dramatic but there’s no one in my life that will let me just rant to them without filter so i gotta do it here, don’t be cunts

tldr: there’s not much ‘it is what it is’ left in me

but i’ll be alright, i think
just gotta keep going i guess

i’ll more than likely delete this tomorrow it’s embarrassing to me

I know you said you aren’t looking for a response but to me at least I can see things are beginning to seem a bit desperate. And I do understand those emotions of not thinking anyone likes you or that such. But I can say now that no matter how hard your brain wants you to think that way, it simply isn’t true.

And being serious here. Seeing you aren’t of age yet, I’m suggesting speaking with the mom and pops to try and get yourself some therapy. Or at least someone more equipped to handle the situation. I of course will try and do what I can where I can but there are some parts I can’t touch at.

Are you on any sort of medication for depression? Or anxiety? Common for myself back when I first began getting treatment my meds didn’t do anything except make me worse off for wear.

I want to take this seriously because it can really have a terrible effect. And I don’t want you to get lost in this ocean of depression like I did. But I also want to help you where I can.

You aren’t alone bro. We can handle this and get through it eventually. I’ll always be around to pick you up if you fall

 

[Trains]

Are you on any sort of medication for depression? Or anxiety? Common for myself back when I first began getting treatment my meds didn’t do anything except make me worse off for wear.

nah it’s impossible to get an appointment rn

and therapy is just as hard to get booked

but thanks dude i’ll try my best to keep it going

 

[Dicknose]

honestly this may seem homo but like these tweets from dark souls help me

 

[Clokr]

nah it’s impossible to get an appointment rn

and therapy is just as hard to get booked

but thanks dude i’ll try my best to keep it going

Yeah even here stateside is as worse. Even before COVID wait times for me to get an appointment we’re about 6 months minimum all the way up to two years.

Paid like $100 per session for some old man to legit stare at me and tell me what I already knew.

I would try and see even just your doctor to maybe try and get something prescribed to try and see if that’ll give you a leg up

 

[Dicknose]

I know I'm not really adding to the current conversation but these are more lyrics that put what I feel into cleaner terms

Spoiler: Plea for Understanding by Pallbearer

In a little time so much has changed
Here I am again in that familiar place
Dreams may try to grow in the dark
But no fire can burn without the setting of a spark

My searching heart
Cries for this
This thing I can't grasp
A love somewhere within

Try to forget the past
But nothing ever changes
Try to understand
But nothing ever changes
Try to lose myself
But nothing ever changes
Try to love myself
But nothing ever changes

Behind the eyes lies a truth
SO deeply concealed
Somewhere inside is a place
Where the weary rest and heal
Anger, fear, and regret keep the darkness at hand
But these feelings are real

 

[Clokr]

I know I'm not really adding to the current conversation but these are more lyrics that put what I feel into cleaner terms

Spoiler: Plea for Understanding by Pallbearer

In a little time so much has changed
Here I am again in that familiar place
Dreams may try to grow in the dark
But no fire can burn without the setting of a spark

My searching heart
Cries for this
This thing I can't grasp
A love somewhere within

Try to forget the past
But nothing ever changes
Try to understand
But nothing ever changes
Try to lose myself
But nothing ever changes
Try to love myself
But nothing ever changes

Behind the eyes lies a truth
SO deeply concealed
Somewhere inside is a place
Where the weary rest and heal
Anger, fear, and regret keep the darkness at hand
But these feelings are real

Hey man don’t be afraid to do any of that shit. You wanna let it out this is the place. Whole point I made this thread my guy

 

[bubblegum]

i officially got diagnosed with bipolar type 2

(and more importantly put on meds for it)

 

[Sil]

I had to make a strange and difficult phonecall early this morning. It's weird having to ring 999 to report a possible attempted suicide on someone near and dear to you, knowing that the possibility of it being too late or not enough will clash with the hope of success.

She should be okay, since apparently she didn't actually go through with the attempt, but it's a very new experience for me, especially since I know she has a history of attempts.

Any advice on how to cope/what to do?

 

[Clokr]

I had to make a strange and difficult phonecall early this morning. It's weird having to ring 999 to report a possible attempted suicide on someone near and dear to you, knowing that the possibility of it being too late or not enough will clash with the hope of success.

She should be okay, since apparently she didn't actually go through with the attempt, but it's a very new experience for me, especially since I know she has a history of attempts.

Any advice on how to cope/what to do?

If you are able. I’d suggest speaking with the one who thought/attempted to take their life. I know it’s difficult to try and talk about these types of situations. But it’ll not only help you to understand but also help the one who felt so desperate to go that route.

And to help yourself cope. It’s important of course to try and remember to breathe, and keep cool and calm. And to also use any other HEALTHY coping mechanisms you already use. Like listening to music, playing games, or going for a walk, that sorta stuff.

Try not to dwell too much on it either. Worrying is good, but it’s also pretty unhealthy when you worry too much about someone. Keep contact with them, talk to them, and listen/ pay attention to any future warning signs.

Coming out of a possible suicide attempt or feelings of one is not easy. Don’t try to spring it onto them as it could jeopardize their mental safety. Speak to them as you would anyone else, try not to bring it up unless they wish to speak to you about it or say they’re comfortable with doing so.

If you know them, personally. Live with them, or know people who do. Ask them to secure the home to try and prevent a attempt, ex. Locking away firearms/any sharp objects like razors or knives. Finding a place to put things such as medication so they can’t get them easily or better without letting someone see or know what they’re doing. And just simply checking up on them daily like you would for literally anyone else.

It’s likely these sort of feelings will go within the coming days or even tomorrow. But remember to just check up on them, text them, call them, or even go over to their place and chill. But if you know them well you should know what they like or don’t like that sort of thing.

 

[Sil]

If you are able. I’d suggest speaking with the one who thought/attempted to take their life. I know it’s difficult to try and talk about these types of situations. But it’ll not only help you to understand but also help the one who felt so desperate to go that route.

And to help yourself cope. It’s important of course to try and remember to breathe, and keep cool and calm. And to also use any other HEALTHY coping mechanisms you already use. Like listening to music, playing games, or going for a walk, that sorta stuff.

Try not to dwell too much on it either. Worrying is good, but it’s also pretty unhealthy when you worry too much about someone. Keep contact with them, talk to them, and listen/ pay attention to any future warning signs.

Coming out of a possible suicide attempt or feelings of one is not easy. Don’t try to spring it onto them as it could jeopardize their mental safety. Speak to them as you would anyone else, try not to bring it up unless they wish to speak to you about it or say they’re comfortable with doing so.

If you know them, personally. Live with them, or know people who do. Ask them to secure the home to try and prevent a attempt, ex. Locking away firearms/any sharp objects like razors or knives. Finding a place to put things such as medication so they can’t get them easily or better without letting someone see or know what they’re doing. And just simply checking up on them daily like you would for literally anyone else.

It’s likely these sort of feelings will go within the coming days or even tomorrow. But remember to just check up on them, text them, call them, or even go over to their place and chill. But if you know them well you should know what they like or don’t like that sort of thing.

Emotionally, I'm doing okay.

And with Lockdown it's not too easy to actually go and visit them.

But thank you. I'm mostly an open book when it comes to stuff like this, so I'm happy to provide any info needed. It's just a very new experience for me, and one that I tend to improve upon when hearing the experiences of others and how they cope.

 

[Clokr]

Emotionally, I'm doing okay.

And with Lockdown it's not too easy to actually go and visit them.

But thank you. I'm mostly an open book when it comes to stuff like this, so I'm happy to provide any info needed. It's just a very new experience for me, and one that I tend to improve upon when hearing the experiences of others and how they cope.

I can’t think of any other info I need. And I’m glad to hear you’re doing better now. Just if you can, speak to those who are able to visit and simply make sure the environment around her is safe.

I remember after one of my first attempts the safe which I kept all my firearms and I’m the only one who knows the code was locked solid by a dead bolt. Which I actually had to use cutters to open it once I was in a better place. Same thing for sharper objects, only time I ever used a razor was to shave (with supervision which was quite awkward ngl) but needed so I didn’t just do something stupid.

Most importantly like I said is just text them, call them, face time them. Anything to let them know you’re there for them even if they’re in a very bad spot emotionally.

Keeping strong yourself for them can and will prove to be a big factor in helping them. And even if they don’t say they’re thankful. You’ll forever be in their debt. Trust me I’ve got friends I’ll never be able to pay off for doing something as simple as bullshitting with me at like 1 am when I was about to do something drastic.

The smallest things make the biggest difference.

 

[Deleted member 22]

Spite cycled 20 miles in like 20 degree weather yesterday felt good

Down 100 pounds only a tad bit of excess shit to go will be off my summer eating great

Here's a photo of breakfast

 

[john]

for the first time in a long time i've come to realise i'm actually really happy (content is probably a better word, I don't know if I agree with happiness as a concept) with myself and my circumstances; the last year has done wonders for me, however ironic that might sound for most. and its pretty surreal to grasp the concept of that after years of being mentally unwell. we're all gonna get there eventually, hang in there boyos.

i think when you're really starting to climb out of that pit, physical wellness attributes to a lot of it, eating right - working out every day; most importantly sleeping right. it all falls into place at the same time if you build on some of that newfound energy. additionally - if you hold onto that routine, you're putting a wedge between falling back into old habits.

 

[Ond]

for the first time in a long time i've come to realise i'm actually really happy (content is probably a better word, I don't know if I agree with happiness as a concept) with myself and my circumstances; the last year has done wonders for me, however ironic that might sound for most. and its pretty surreal to grasp the concept of that after years of being mentally unwell. we're all gonna get there eventually, hang in there boyos.

i think when you're really starting to climb out of that pit, physical wellness attributes to a lot of it, eating right - working out every day; most importantly sleeping right. it all falls into place at the same time.

wagmi king

 

[Señor Jaggles]

I have a stable job, I have friends and people who love me and cherish me, I have physical health and I have everything I could possibly ask for.

And yet, I feel like shit, there's not a single day that I don't think how hollow or lonely I feel, and on top of that, self-esteem is basically null and I don't seem to move forward at all. It's like every little step I take it's an L at the end of the day. I have no energy to do anything, I have no will or motivation to do stuff, I get tired doing literally anything, even my hobbies.

To all of this, I can add the feeling of guilt because despite the efforts of the people around me I don't improve and that makes me feel like I'm a failure to them and their expectations, like they're doing all the work and I'm just sitting here doing nothing.

Despite all my efforts to become someone I can be proud of, to have some stability and reach good health, everything looks stupidly grim- As if I had achieved nothing at all. And all of this may or may not be simply product of my rowdy past and nothing else, which makes me feel even more idiotic.

I guess considering all of this I will go to a psychologist, soon enough.

 

[john]

I have a stable job, I have friends and people who love me and cherish me, I have physical health and I have everything I could possibly ask for.

And yet, I feel like shit, there's not a single day that I don't think how hollow or lonely I feel, and on top of that, self-esteem is basically null and I don't seem to move forward at all. It's like every little step I take it's an L at the end of the day. I have no energy to do anything, I have no will or motivation to do stuff, I get tired doing literally anything, even my hobbies.

To all of this, I can add the feeling of guilt because despite the efforts of the people around me I don't improve and that makes me feel like I'm a failure to them and their expectations, like they're doing all the work and I'm just sitting here doing nothing.

Despite all my efforts to become someone I can be proud of, to have some stability and reach good health, everything looks stupidly grim- As if I had achieved nothing at all. And all of this may or may not be simply product of my rowdy past and nothing else, which makes me feel even more idiotic.

I guess considering all of this I will go to a psychologist, soon enough.

your self esteem is definitely a very large part of your psychological well-being, both as far as relationships go and your idea of self-worth. defo think a psychologist is a good place to start.