Was initially going to post onto my resignation thread on the staff subforum, but the forum role removal was quicker than usual.
The Discord RL Chat is a toxic sludgefest of sour, sardonic complaining and circlejerking. I was met with our faction leadership attempting to accuse me shooting-to-miss the mortar as pinpoint accuracy, and as I attempted to clarify I was shrugged off with replies trying to bait me into descending into snarkiness, which isn't unusual at all anytime someone breaks with the majority opinion there. I S2M, but I try to keep things close enough to where a bad move could put you in the line of fire. People blamed me for their own movements. This is apart of a greater issue where people, especially CP leadership and Combine mains, can't at all internalize defeat or failure and need to find an external source to lay blame onto.
Though I've refrained from naming names, I will do so now.
This piece was made by Brandon and sent to me during a tense discussion on the topic of OSC a week or two ago. This is the type of stuff I've dealt with behind the scenes for some time now from certain majority elements in CMB leadership that has culminated in my resignation.
Accusations of hacking culminating in a player's ban with little-to-no-evidence from people still sour and simmering from losing an S2K battle with characters that do not actually LOSE anything (weapons, ammo, etc.) and are NLR'd afterwards only to complain that an event faction designed to serve a critical plot and map function which has been stressed as heavily fortified and nigh-impenetrable has, well, plot armor is... inane.
The shitmongering in OP chat after the incident wasn't fun, and, as usual, RL-chat became the echo chamber of OOC ressentiment. I enter, I explain that the mortar was S2M'd entirely, and I am shot down by people who are angry for having carelessly ran into its line of fire. Who is most incessant with this narrative? Ovxy, who deflects and taunts me.
For the past few weeks any time I engaged with RL-chat I was met with shit behavior and constant disrespect. I do not resign because the server has become more 'S2K oriented.' I resign because S2K has become the justification of a culture breeding shit behavior, unaccountability, and blatant disrespect, sometimes under the guise of banter, other times with no guise at all. I have taken the utmost care to attempt to approach things cautiously and carefully only for haughty midwits better suited for the role of Hauptmann on 1942RP to arise from the woodworks and lambast me and those of my disposition at every turn. Some of us are saints, others, like me, are not, and often struggle not to respond in turn. I am not the first to resign because of this behavior. I won't be the last.
This is quite possibly the best iteration of HL2RP on Nebulous by a long shot. I'm proud to have contributed to it, I'm proud to be thought of fondly by a lot of people here, and it's hard for me to internalize not being apart of it anymore. As much as I would like to remain in the loop, on principle I cannot until attitudes change. I do not encourage nor seek to perpetuate a feeling of hopelessness, this iteration is far from being in damning crisis, but it's on track to be in one unless something changes. Read in-between the lines. Figure something out. Don't let sentiments remain sentiments.
DO SOMETHING.
