Nothing too serious but mostly frustrations about my IRL state.
Honestly I feel like I haven't been myself after my breakup with the bf, Thought I had the perfect relationship that barely started after 3 months of dating and keeping in touch, but some of ya'll allready know about it but It hasn't helped when Corona has limited my abillity to try to move on or date anyone and even stay motivated to talk to people in Grindr/Tinder for months.
Aw fuck its allready a midlife Crsis:
I'm getting inner-Anxiety about growing old because I feel like Its only a short amount of time before I start reaching my mid-twenties allready and its making me over-think about it every time.
Stress about living in the house
Sometimes I want to move out and live on my own just so its easier to find a relationship without being concerned about distance or privacy (this came to mind because the BF I mentioned wanted more physical affection from me and the distance between us and schedules at the time didn't help and that made me feel like shit because I keep thinking I could still have him if I live alone and closer to him) but yet theres no chance because I ain't got a job that'd keep my Rent in-check and I'm currently settled in with Uni and probably not comfortable making sudden changes to my residance during this degree course.
and don't get me started about my trash problem, I'm doing what I can to keep it clean but at the moment I'm not happy about its condition, bathroom is nearly done with its renovation with the tilings finally fucking done so my absolute Carpenter chad Dad will be able to renovate my room from looking less like a De-relict house, Kitchen,Living room, Garage is about niced up after we moved here 2 years ago, slow progress but thats DIY on a rough budget.
Oh boy some gay Depression shit:
2020 is a sad fucking year lets be real, ignoring the politics and the events I'm probably borderline depressed, I haven't bothered shaving and I usually prefer to present my baby-face to cute guys but as of late, I feel alone whenever I'm not doing something to distract myself, I change my attitude around people to try to mask the stress, I miss my ex so fucking much I can't help but only like people who happen to remind me of him or have similiar behaviors and thats real bad of me, I got a D&D group that I've been activly playing with for a whole year now and they're great people but I always struggle to keep a conversation with them without being the third wheel to let them converse among themselves when we're not playing the session.
Oh worst problem that's been frequent since Primary school, I struggle to have close friends, I haven't seen or talked to my Best Friend I met in years because again distance and this swede still lives all the way in China and we went dead quiet after we quit WoW during Catalysm, I had people I liked that turned distant or straight up gone that I feel like it's always gonna happens, fuck I'm not sure if another friend of mine I know is alive because last time I spoke with him he tried to commit suicide and ended up in special care and that was years ago before I moved house.
TLDR: not feeling like myself lately, inner anxiety and crap